Monday, December 10, 2007


Today has not been a kind day to me, unfortunately. I am disabled as I have advanced Hep C,
spinal problems, & neurological deficits also. So... today has been a rather poopy one. I'm not
feeling well. I received a letter from the doctors office indicating that I now also have Kidney
disease. Just another thing thanks to the Hep C. It was inevitable at some point. Having taken
care of my father who suffered from that also, along with advanced liver problems too, it tended to take me back to last year when I took care of him through the last year of his life. He passed
away in the summer of 2006. He suffered greatly & I tried to make his last days as comfortable
as possible for him. I'm very glad I was there in Portland, OR. (my hometown) to be with him
through it all. It also gave me a window into the future to see how I will go. It....will be difficult.
And I can't help wondering, who will be there for me? I don't get depressed or angry over
my condition, but I do wonder about the future & how I will cope and who will be with me for
the ride in the end. I suppose it will be a test and will reveal those who most care for me &
will stand beside me to the end. Not walk so many of my Dads friends did in the
end. I don't understand people sometimes. I feel more intune with animals, and have all of
my life. People are so unpredictable, animals.....never. Animals will show their love unconditionally, if you treat them well. People & friends, family....they will say sometimes they
love you, but will turn their heads aside and walk away when they are most needed. To spare
themselves the pain? Perhaps, but all of life is balanced by pain & joy. So I believe you should
meet each head on & be there for each other at every step of the way. Whether it hurts or not.
Generally the person that is hurting, (emotionally or physically) is far more in need of something
to distract them or help them with what they are going through then the one who turns & walks away so they do not have to deal with it. I've been accused many times of being a dreamer.
I usually can always see some good, no matter the situation. Maybe that is why I can cope better than others with difficult trials & have survived many of them throughout the years.
"Shrug". Who knows. I know many people have counted on me in difficult times & I have
always tried to be available for them. I will listen.... I will love...... I will be there.......
for anyone that I care deeply for. I hope people feel the same for me in the end.
Well, off I go to figure out what I will be painting in this mood. Then to put together my
digital camera to photograph my work. I will post something tomorrow of my artwork.
Tonight I'm going to relax. :)

Blessings, (I do have many ;>)

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